If Anyone Deserves To Be Purchased For $50,000, It's Me.

It's not like we didn't already know Vincent Gallo is a performance artist.

However.

If you have a publicist.

If you have some celebrity to sell.

Or if you have some celebrity to upgrade with sudden exposure, you don't need the $50,000.

I (also an artist), on the other hand, am one who could use a grant of $50, 000 to release me from service to the day job that only yesterday produced in me (once again) suicidal feelings. In order to more completely perform my other job, which includes, but is not limited to, telling jokes about ridiculous things like Vincent Gallo.

Not that I don't enjoy your antics, Vincent Gallo. But come on. I need one of your endowments a lot more than I need the other. You give me the cash, and I'll take you out for fish and braised vegetables (and we can talk about whether I'm interested in your other endowment), then I'll quit my job. If you want, my "performance" could be not even calling in to quit, or going there and making a scene, of your devising if you wish. Your choice.

The only thing that really bothers me is the "avowed Republican" part. Not even so much the Republican part (although that is always jarring to hear), but the "avowed." I wouldn't expect Vincent Gallo to be claiming to be an avowed anything, so I bet it's a carefully chosen part of the act.

Look, I said on myspace that I wanted to meet him, and that was before all this mess. Maybe Vincent Gallo sits around in his underwear Googling himself and will find this, and consider doing something truly good for humanity, and take me up on my offer.

Stay tuned for my web site with the donate button.

And now, before this blog becomes the Vincent Gallo Watch...