Who Has A Vacation Home I Can Visit?

Dodge needs to get the hell out.

If you have a cottage, cabin, villa, manse, chateau, or dacha I may invade for a brief time, I would like to hear from you.

My credentials:

1. I clean up after myself.
   
2. I will walk, hold, feed, and pet animals.
   
3. I will not encourage you to eat those iffy fungi on our nature walks.
   
4. I make the meanest, baddest guacamole you will have ever tasted (with or without cilantro, out of respect for those for whom cilantro = soap)...
   
5. And the most perfect margarita to go with it. (My fruit-garnish preparation skills are top-notch.)
   
6. I can haul out the wit if a moveable salon is what you are looking for.

Or I can completely ignore you all weekend, if that is what you are into.